23 Things That I Would Have Rather Done Than Watch Jed Win ‘The Bachelorette’

(Photo Credit: Vanity Fair)

Poll: what was worse? Him winning or his dog food jingle?

*spoiler alert* Maybe I’m biased because Tyler C. is from my hometown (also, his abs), or maybe it’s just the obnoxious lack of effort on Jed’s end (anyone else notice how he didn’t offer to hold Hannah’shair while she was seasick?) but this two-night finale left me feeling, dare Isay, empty inside.

Hannah B. was the queen we needed to remind all of us to never settle for less than what we deserve and lived her truth every day by prioritizing herself and her heart. She deserved a happy ending, and I think we all took a hit to the heart watching hers break.

Aside from a rather bold move from Hannah as a possible continuation of her quest to find love, most of the two-night ending had me covering my mouth in shock of my eyes in discomfort. As solace for Hannah and all of Bachelor nation, here are 23 things that I would have rather done than watch Jed scheme his way into Hannah’s heart.

#23. Burn my neck with a curling iron and be left with a questionable located mark.

#22. Find out that Netflix is taking my favorite shoe off its streaming platform at the end of the year.

#21. Get in a politically-triggered Facebook argument with an estranged relative.

#20. Buy something from the grocery store that has already expired.

#19. Discover that my favorite pair of sandals has been chewed up by my dog.

#18. Lose an earring back while out.

#17. Step on a Lego.

#16. Watch Jed bring his guitar on every date.

#15. Lose the remote to the TV and be stuck watching Impractical Jokers for four hours.

#14. Make the trip to the mall to return something only to realize I forgot the receipt.

#13. Go on an uncomfortable first date.

#12. Go on an even more uncomfortable second date because my friend “swears he’s really great”.

#11. Break yet another iPhone charger.

#10. Tell my hairdresser I just want to trim my dead ends and have her assume that means 5 inches.

#9. Get my debit card declined at the Chic-fil-a drive-through.

#8. Hit the inside of my ankle with a Razor scooter.

#7. Reach for a package of cookies and open it up to find it completely empty inside.

#6. Get stuck in traffic on the way to an interview.

#5. Forget my exciting leftovers at home.

#4. Get ready for an event for it to be canceled.

#3. Pay for extra guac and receive a tablespoon-sized scoop of green goo.

#2. Be told by my grandparents that millennials are ruining the world.

#1. Listen to Jed try and defend himself.

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